Last night, for the first time in almost two months, I had serious thoughts of suicide. I think my main issue is that I haven’t found something to distract myself if I were to take a break from social media while I have writer’s block. Because right now, my plan is that when I have writer’s block, I’m on social media, and when I’m sad, I write and avoid social media. But when I’m sad and have writer’s block, what do I do? Do I just sit there?
That’s pretty much what I did.
I lied in bed and cried. I tried to get reassurance from my friends in Laetare (the theater group; shout out to them for everything) but it didn’t work this time. I couldn’t go to my other friends either, because they were all hanging out with each other (without me, like most of the time lol) so I was just…stuck.
It’s just stupid that I didn’t think of a back up plan for these two events should they happen at the same time because it was so likely to happen at the same time. Looking back, it was bound to happen and I did nothing. I didn’t search for an alternative or a way to step back. I let everything crumble and I did nothing.
Truly pathetic of me, to be quite honest. I want to get better but I don’t put in enough work to get there. What is wrong with me? Why am I like this?
About Celestial Symphony
I’m beginning to set up punishments for myself if I don’t reach a daily goal or hit a deadline. I’m aiming for Chapter 1 and 2 to be posted by the beginning of June. We’ll see how that ends.
Thank you for reading! I’ll see you on the next page.