I’ve been told that I’m loyal. But it takes effort to be loyal. Nowadays, these people are out here pretending to be loyal. But it takes so much energy to PRETEND.
I realized a while back that if I’m going to pretend to do something, it’s not going to be pretending to care about someone. That’s just annoying and I don’t have the energy or time for it. Sometimes, I barely have enough energy to get out of bed. But, I know some people just have more to give, so I’ll stop talking there.
I’ve noticed especially that recently people have been pretending to care about me and what I do. Why? Why waste your time? I’m unbothered if you left my life. Enough people have that I just watch people go. I lose one, I gain another. It’s just how life goes. I lost a friend who I considered my best friend, and the next month I made so many new friends who treat me better.
Anyways, on the topic of effort, it’s taking me a lot to write Celestial Symphony. I asked many to help critique it when it comes out, but I’m having trouble starting it. I so want it to be perfect. But with the anxiety of disappointing others, I’ve drained myself. By the time I actually want to sit down and write, I can barely make out a sentence before giving up.
The heat doesn’t help at all. It’s been so hot. A heat wave? Probably. But I’ve been so hot, and it is taking a lot more for me to sit in front of my computer and write. I just want to sleep and wait for the heat to pass.
But then I’d disappoint, and then I’d have to pretend it won’t hurt, and then I’d go to talk to people but I will probably end up talking to someone who pretends to care about me, which will hurt me because I’ll eventually found out that all they had done was pretend.
About Celestial Symphony
As I said above, it’s been hard to write. I think I’ll use a featured image with a “Celestial Symphony” update if I have major updates on that from now on.
Anyways, thank you for reading my blog. From my friends (fake or not), my family, my teachers, classmates, and to everyone else who has somehow come across my blog, thank you. Seriously.